On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
