What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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