I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
