So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
