If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize