i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
