How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
