god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
