I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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