I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
