This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
