I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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