WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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