I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
