I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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