i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I will be naked everywhere
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
