I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
