I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
