So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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