You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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