You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
