Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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