so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
