it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
