I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
