fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
