i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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