i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
