even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
