He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
