just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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