After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
