i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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