that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
