shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
