I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
