she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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