found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
