I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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