bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
