My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Randomize
