Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize