Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
