i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
