I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize