he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
