After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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