Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
