I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize