next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
