it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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