I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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