I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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