mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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