Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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