i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize