Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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