At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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