glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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