Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
