She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize