i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
