We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
