We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
