Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
