I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
