whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
