dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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