I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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