; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
